How lucky am I to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~ Winnie the Pooh
Twenty hours is a long time in the car to think about my final two weeks in New Hampshire.
Two weeks was the point where it hit me that I was really going to leave behind the place I’d called home for the past 15 years.
Two weeks of goodbyes, two weeks of sadness mixed with excitement, two weeks until I would finally be going back home to Illinois…the place I consider my true home.
The physical exhaustion of working, packing, and meeting friends for late drinks could not match the mental exhaustion of those last two weeks.
Not having a driver’s license = complete loss of independence. Dependency is mentally exhausting for someone of my strength.
Leaving my boys with their Dad, not knowing when I’ll be back is mentally exhausting.
Trying to explain to everyone the hows and whys and job situation is very mentally exhausting.
The mental anguish associated with trying to make sense of my life right now has me on the verge of collapse…you see in those last two weeks I realized that I have two homes – New Hampshire and Illinois.
A 25 year old kid moved to New Hampshire. She survived a bad marriage, the death of her Dad, the taking of his own life by her best friend and the struggles of being a single Mom with no family to help. Now a 40 year old woman is leaving the place where she found herself…the place that snuck up on her and became her home too.
Now here I sit, just two hours from the place with the most familiar look, smell and feel…the place where I gather the strength I need to move forward, always have and always will.
In just two hours, I will be home. For 15 years the trip west has filled me with joy and the trip east has made me cry. Just two more hours until home and my eyes are filled with tears because I finally figured out in those final two weeks that I have two homes.
In two hours I will be swimming in unchartered waters as I begin my journey to decide which of my two homes will become my forever home!