Why Are We Not the Divorce “Norm”?

Every Family has a story…welcome to ours!

Children are always better off with both parents actively involved in their lives. (Unless one parent is a drug dealing, raping, murdering thug, but I digress…). The unfortunate fact is this: in today’s world most children live in split family homes, either because of divorce or Mom and Dad were never even married.

From my point of view, even more unfortunate is the fact that far too often these kids are put in the middle of the separation and they end up suffering needlessly because of Mom and Dad’s inability to get along.

Why is this the “norm”?

My kids’ father and I get along. I would even go so far as to say that we’re friends. Not “I-want-to-hang-out-with-you-in-social-settings” friends, but more accurately “I-share-important-things-in-my-life-with-you-because-we’ll-always-be-family” friends. I consider his wife the same type of friend.

When it comes down to it, We Are Family – all my ex-husband’s wives, kids and me! (You are welcome for getting that song stuck in your head!) We can either be a healthy, functioning family or we can be hateful and disfunctional. Make no mistake this is a choice that we make consciously every day.

Let me repeat that. It is a CHOICE that we make to be healthy and functioning,

So why are we not the divorce norm?

Why is it weird for my ex-husband, his wife and myself to have family dinners with the kids?

Why is it strange that I can go to their house at 6:00 a.m. on Christmas morning so that we all can enjoy the kids walking into the living room to see what Santa brought for them?

Why is it odd that I am welcomed into their home even when they are not present in order to care for the dogs or kids and they in mine?

Why should it be awkward for me to discuss the kids school, clothes, health, discipline with the women who is their other Mom?

Why is it strange that we allow each other to have the kids for special occasions or sometimes “just because” rather than adhering exactly to the parenting plan?

Who says my kids should have to feel like they can’t talk about how much they love Daddy and Steph in front of me?

Why can’t our relationship after divorce with kids be the norm?

Why on earth are we the “weird” ones?

Our relationship is not perfect. Yes we still disagree and argue. We were together for ten years, he knows how to push my buttons and I know how to push his. I sometimes get jealous of my kids’ relationship with their step Mom. I often get jealous that even though the divorce was my idea, he is the one who has found a new love and a new life while I continue to struggle at every level.

However, as I said in the beginning we make a conscious choice to put our petty differences aside and put our children’s well-being first. For the life of me I cannot figure out why our relationship is bizarre!

On Tuesday a new baby brother came into my kids’ lives. I couldn’t be happier for them and I posted pictures of them with the new baby on Instagram and Facebook for everyone to see. Because in the grand scheme of my life there truly is nothing more important than the happiness of the three people I love the most. Becoming big brothers makes them happy and I am a proud Mama who wants to share in their joy regardless of the source.

I am not odd. My kids’ father is not odd, nor is their step Mom. Our relationship is not peculiar. In fact, on this matter I feel comfortable going as far as saying the we are right. We have figured out how to correctly navigate divorce with kids and manage our lives in a healthy manner.

Adult problems do not have to be kid problems. Make a choice…

…as for our crazy, bizarre, mixed up family, we will always choose happiness and frankly I think that is the most normal choice there is to make!

You don’t choose your family. They are God’s gift to you. ~Desmond Tutu

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