I lost a couple of “close” friends this past weekend over my sexuality. More appropriately I should say I cut a couple of pretentious women out of my life for judging my way of expressing myself as a woman.
Yep, I am a woman and I love sex. In fact, I really love sex a whole damn lot! And here’s the funny thing…I’M NOT ALONE!
If you read my blog with any regularity, you know my life kind of took a turn for the worse this past summer. One night in July, I was home lying in bed, drinking alone and scrolling Twitter. I read a tweet from a Twitter elite that one of my favorite bloggers had retweeted. It actually made me laugh out loud for real and I became addicted.
I became addicted because women and men were tweeting shit that was in my head. All kinds of things that I think probably far too often, but that I would never verbalize in real life. Not because I am ashamed of my thoughts, but more specifically because in real life I was raised to believe that sexuality is something to be ashamed of, something to hide and something to squash if it refused to reside within the bounds of what is deemed “appropriate”. Out of respect for my real life friends and those type of boundaries, I keep a lot of my sexual thoughts on Twitter.
But what I want to know is this: Who the hell deems what is appropriate when it comes to expressing ones sexuality?
“There is nothing dirty, immoral or questionable about your sexuality. Fuck anyone that tries to tell you differently” ~@Lickyourstein
That’s right! There is nothing dirty about being a sexual woman.
Last time I checked the two main things married couples fight about are money and sex. Perhaps more married couples should explore sex from a different viewpoint – one that realizes there is something to be said for including a little role play and the exploration of sex outside the “norm” (sticks and stones may break my bones, but chains and whips excite me!)
Maybe if more people chose not to squash their sexual desires in an attempt to keep within the realm of “that which is appropriate”, we wouldn’t fight about sex.
Maybe if we stopped saying things like “only a whore would do something like that” when we know it’s something we would love to try, then perhaps the divorce rate in this country wouldn’t be over 50%.
Maybe, just maybe, if we all admitted that we have thoughts that fall outside the “good Christian” acceptable range about sex, then maybe our society could stop using men and women’s sexual desires as a means of defining their ability to parent a child.
That being said, I’m not judging any other person’s sexuality or the way that they choose to express it. Simply not understanding someone’s desires, does not make them wrong!
Hey, if missionary is your thing – rock on! It’s not really mine and I would hope that you don’t judge me for that.
Ah, but here we are coming full circle back to the reason for my blog – I was judged.
- Judged because of the way I choose to express my sexuality, perhaps even for my sexuality itself.
- Judged because I have found an outlet where I am free to express myself
- Judged for my tweets (by the way if you fail to see the embellishment for the sake of humor, I feel sorry for you!)
- Judged because I choose to be a mother who is also a woman rather than hide that part of me.
Being a sexual woman and being a mother are NOT mutually exclusive.
I don’t have a boyfriend. I’m not certain that I want one. If I found one now, I would give up my Twitter life. (Not because it’s what he would want, but out of respect for him.) The friends I’ve made through Twitter have gotten me through some rough times the last few months and I’m not ready to see it end.
I didn’t jump from my marriage immediately into another relationship. I haven’t dated anyone seriously enough to introduce him to my kids.
I don’t define myself by being involved with someone. I have spent four long and difficult years learning to love ME, and I do love me – all of my faults, all of my quirks and all of my sexuality, including my less than “traditional” way of expressing it.
Never explain yourself to others. Those who truly care don’t need it and the rest won’t believe you anyway.
The bottom line is this: I am who I am. You are who you are.
Celebrate the person that you are inside and out. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that being a sexual woman makes you a bad mother. I don’t believe that for a second, and you know what? Neither should you. People will always talk and people will always judge. You have to decide if you’re going to let that change how you perceive yourself. Are you going to let it change you?
The greatest challenge in life is discovering who you are. The second greatest is being happy with what you find 🙂
Relationship status: Wearing my own hoodie, playing my own games and living my own life. And it’s the best damn relationship I’ve ever had!
(And yes, I’m gonna tweet that shit!)