What lies within you?

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A dear friend sent this to me today. I didn’t always believe this to be true. However, over the past year I have seen it work in my life, both ways.

In the summer of 2012, I was lamenting to a friend that of the four big areas of stress in my life, I would love it if just one of them could be easy. Just one easy part of my life was all I felt I needed in order to relieve some tension. The four big stress areas were: money, kids, apartment and love life. In general I was happy, but the stress had a way of knocking me on my ass with greater frequency than I cared to admit.

This friend talked to me about the quote above – you draw to you that which you put out into the universe. If you think negatively, negative things are drawn to you. If you want good things to happen, you have to give off positive vibes.

Knowing I was a skeptic, she advised that I choose one of the four areas and think all of the positive thoughts I could about that one thing. Never allow anything negative to creep into my thoughts about that one thing…make a list and bring the positive to me. Choose to shit rainbows, she said and rainbows would come to me.

So I chose and I started letting go of the negativity. Low and behold, I did start shitting rainbows! I found a job and got promoted within the first two weeks. I found a better place for us to live and the kids started behaving, less like heathens and more like sweet young boys.

Now let’s not get hung up on the fact that I chose “love life” and that still remained in the shitter. The important aspect of my story is that when I chose to be positive, to “fake it til I made it” so to speak, amazing things began to happen in my life. I rode that positive rainbow all the way through my 40th birthday in April, which was by far one of the greatest days of my adult life.

Then something changed. It wasn’t a momentous event. It happened slowly over the month of May. Things started going wrong and I couldn’t seem to keep my emotions on a positive track. In hindsight, I know why I fell off the rainbow into the pile of shit below. Though, at the time, I couldn’t see it.

Then the big fall on May 30th and everything spiraled out of control. Once I let the negativity take hold, the universe decided to keep throwing more my way. In some ways, it hasn’t stopped.

In other ways, I’m back!

I had a moment of clarity last Saturday night. I had been put into an impossible situation at my job and I was overwhelmed. In the heat of the moment, I was angry and thinking irrationally. Once things got back under control, I looked at my situation from a different point of view and decided to make some changes.

I’ve been strong for too long to stay down for long. Five months is plenty long enough!

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

I have been given an amazing job opportunity. One that will finally allow me to do something that I love and get paid for it. (And NO it does not involved a pole Kirsten!!)

I also have been given the opportunity to try on a new life, kind of like George Bailey in “It’s a Wonderful Life”. I’ve learned more about myself the past six weeks than I have in my entire 40 years. Some of what I’m learning makes me smile. Some of what I’m learning makes me want to change. (That is whole post in and of itself.) But everything that I am learning is going to positively influence my life going forward.

Maybe if I had taken time for myself sooner after the divorce….

Maybe if I had taken a closer look at the person staring back at me in the mirror…

Maybe things would be different or maybe they wouldn’t.

I know what lies within me. I’m learning to recognize when I get off track. I know that I’d rather shit rainbows that spend any more time with the negative crap into which you can fall when you let yourself.

How many times have you worked on your relationship with you? How often do you stop and think about who you are, what makes you tick? Do you know yourself? Do you recognize your pitfalls? Do you believe in you? Do you love you?

Are you riding your rainbow or are you wallowing in the shit?

What lies within you?

The most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself.

And if you can find someone to love the you, you love, well, that’s just fabulous.” ~Carrie Bradshaw

2 thoughts on “What lies within you?

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